Visitation Denials

Visitation Denials:

If your visitation has been denied, you are not alone. It happens all the time. You do not have to put up with this and it will only continue to happen as long as you allow it to happen.

Visitation denials almost always boil down to one common denominator - control.  It is all about one parent attempting to impose their will on the other parent.  Most often, it has absolutely nothing to do with the best interest of the child. 

I break this down into two categories:  Cases where there is a visitation order and cases where there is no order.

If you have an order...

If you have an order, the custodial parent must follow the order, unless there is a hell of a good reason not to.  If visitation is denied, available remedies are a motion to enforce or contempt proceedings.  

If you allow a pattern of visitation denials to stack up, it becomes much harder to enforce. Take action the first time and every time visitation is denied and the court will think you are serious and care about the visitation. 

Allow a bunch of denials to pile up and it looks like you don’t care.  If the court gets that impression, it might not work out so well. Key is always being proactive and persistent.  Insist on your right to visit.

If you do not have an order:

GET ONE!

For cases where you are having problems with visits and there is no visitation order, step one is file a petition and get a visitation order.  Until you do, there is nothing to enforce and for that matter nothing saying that you even are entitled to any type of visitation.  Again, you must be proactive. Get your case filed.  Be persistent and continue to fight until you get your visitation order.

Now for the bad news… 

Just because visitation is denied does not always mean that the court will enforce the visitation order. IF the custodial parent can convince the judge that there is some justifiable reason to deny the visitation, then there will be a problem.  What is a justifiable reason? Usually something that involves alcohol, drugs, or anything else that makes the judge believe there are safety issues. 

However, if visitation is denied just because it is inconvenient for the custodial parent or for some other bogus reason, the court should enforce the order.

A very common question is if visitation is denied do I still have to pay child support?  Yes, you do.  Visitation and child support are two completely different and totally independent issues.  The reverse is also true. 

If someone fails to pay child support can the custodial parent then deny visitation?  No, they cannot. Cuts both ways.  Don’t try to connect the dots between the two issues and you can save yourself a lot of grief.

Pete D. Louden

Tell Your Lawyer Everything

Let Me Put the Lipstick on the Pig…

A quick way to run a case off into the ditch is to let your lawyer learn some really damaging bit of information for the first time while standing before the judge. I know you are thinking: who would be dumb enough to do that? Believe me when I say it happens.

Tell your attorney everything. I know, this seems obvious. However, it is not quite so obvious for some.

It is critical, no seriously, it is critical, that you tell your lawyer everything. Especially the really bad stuff you wish you did not have to tell anyone. Your lawyer is not going to judge you; he/she wants to help you. Failing to tell your lawyer everything is one of the quickest ways to severely damage a case. Sometimes, this can damage a case beyond repair.

If your lawyer knows about something and has an opportunity to brain storm, there is at least a chance to minimize the potential damage. I call it “putting lipstick on the pig.” It’s still a pig, it’s still ugly, but sometimes the lipstick can make that ugly pig look substantially more attractive.

This being said, there are some things that are simply so bad that there is not much a lawyer can do to overcome them. Even so, the lawyer will know what’s coming and at least not be caught off guard. The lawyer will at least have a chance.

Yes, this even happens to me every so often. Most of the time, I think it is inadvertent. Family cases take an emotional toll and are stressful. I think that people sometimes get so wrapped up in the drama that they just plain forget to tell me. Other times, I think it is deliberate because someone might think if I knew I might not take the case. They then pray that it does not come up in court.

I often ask people: “What is the worst possible thing she can say about you?”  Most give me an honest answer and I can usually tell when someone is forthcoming. In fact, most people will give me a long list of things in an effort to make sure they don’t leave anything out. Typically, once I hear the list, it turns out that the stuff is not as bad as people think. When I ask the question and get something in response, I can tell that someone is trying to be honest.

The scary client is the guy who, when asked “What is the worst possible thing she can say about you,” immediately deflects and starts taking inventory of all the things that are wrong with the other party. This is the type of guy I try to send down the road. Let him become some other attorney’s problem. No one is perfect, so when someone cannot tell me one single negative thing about their case, there is a problem.

I have learned many things about clients while standing in front of the judge at hearings. You name it, I have seen it. The ironic part is that, had I known these things from the start, I probably could have at least gotten a better outcome than where they landed by not telling me. A lawyer is a lawyer, not a magician. Don’t leave your lawyer in the dark and expect him/her to pull a rabbit out of a hat. This is simply not going to happen. 

Tell your lawyer everything. Let your lawyer be the one to apply the lipstick to the pig!

Pete D. Louden

The Secret to Choosing the Right Family Law Lawyer

The Secret to Choosing the Right Family Law Lawyer

So, you have decided to hire an attorney. Smart move. There are hundreds of attorneys out there; how do you choose? Better question: how do you select the best attorney for you? My approach is a little different. This guide will provide you with a two-step strategy for selecting the right attorney.

Step 1: Don’t hire a podiatrist to perform brain surgery

The first thing you must do is to make sure that you select an attorney who has extensive experience with your exact type of case. I like to keep things simple. Others may disagree, but my philosophy is as simple as this:

If you’re a grandparent with guardianship or visitation issues, hire an attorney who focuses on representing grandparents.

If you’re a mother in a divorce or custody case, hire an attorney who focuses on representing mothers in divorce and custody cases.

If you’re a father in a divorce of custody case, hire an attorney who does nothing but help fathers in divorce and custody cases.

Simple enough?

Making sure the attorney has the necessary experience and time in the trenches is a must. You would not hire a podiatrist to perform your brain surgery. Why would you hire a personal injury attorney to handle your family law case? It simply makes no sense.

Simple, right? Now that we have established that you are going to meet with an attorney who is dedicated to helping people in the exact same circumstance, we are ready to move on to the next step.

Step 2: Find an attorney who understands you and that you connect with.

Just as important as any of these other considerations is finding an attorney who understands you and who you feel comfortable dealing with. An attorney/client relationship is just that – an interpersonal relationship. At its core are the same principles as in any relationship. You must understand each other, communicate, and get along. This does not mean that you are looking for your new best friend in your attorney. However, it does mean that the basics of any relationship must be there, or like any other relationship, it won’t work.

If you do not feel comfortable talking with an attorney, you probably will not be able to maintain a cohesive and free-flowing relationship. It would be difficult to be open if you feel like your attorney doesn’t understand you.

When choosing an attorney, follow your gut feelings. A good attorney will do his/her best to help you and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. He/she will take the best approach to your case based on his/her experience of what works and what does not. A good attorney cares about you and your family. Your attorney wants you to be successful, happy, and to accomplish your goals. At the end of the day, your attorney wants to help you. It’s really that simple in my eyes.

Forget the magic questions you should ask a lawyer. An example is the guy who asks, “what is your win/loss record?”  I get this question occasionally. Must be from people who all visited the same “Pick the right lawyer” website.

There is no scoreboard in family court. There is no such thing as a win/loss record in family court. It’s all about knowing what can be done with a case and then having the ability to take what should happen and getting it done.

No attorney gets what they seek 100% of the time.  Instead of asking for a win/loss record, ask the attorney about cases similar to yours.  Ask the attorney this:  “In similar cases, if you thought a person would get what they were seeking, how often was the person successful?”  If more often than not, the attorney is successful in achieving what is realistic, I would call that success.

Any family lawyer who tries to tell you, “I have a record of 47 wins and 2 losses in custody cases,” is just yanking your chain. Unfortunately, there is NEVER a winner in family court. When your family is divided by a divorce or a custody case, EVERYONE loses. The trick is being able to get done what can be done, considering the facts of the case.

My advice for picking the right lawyer is to always follow your gut. Pick the person you connect with. If the first lawyer that you meet has been in practice a long time, has the necessary experience with your specific type of case, is respected in the legal community, and you like them and think you will be able to work well and communicate effectively with that lawyer, hire them!

There you have it - the secret to picking the right lawyer for you!

Pete D. Louden

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"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Sigmund Freud

Happy Fathers Day 2017!

Pete D. Louden

www.normanlaw.com

Can One Lawyer Represent Both Sides of a Case?

Can One Lawyer Represent Both Parties?

DO NOT attempt to hire one attorney to do your agreed divorce or any other legal matter! 

One lawyer cannot represent both sides of the case.  There are no two ways about this, period! The lawyer is either your lawyer or her lawyer.  The lawyer may meet with both of you to get information to prepare the case, but sooner or later, you are going to discover the lawyer is representing one of you and not the other.  Guess what? If you are not sure which one of you the lawyer is helping, it probably means that is because the other party is the client!

If you meet with an attorney and you are not sure if they are representing you or not, you have probably either walked into an ambush or a very shady deal.  Get your own attorney.  Getting representation in an uncontested divorce or other simple legal matter is not that costly and can save you a fortune worth of grief in the long run.  It is money well spent to ensure that someone is looking out for you.

In short, if a lawyer tries to tell you they can help both of you, they can’t!  RUN LIKE HELL!
Pete D. Louden
www.normanlaw.com
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The Preference Case

The Preference Case:  In Oklahoma Children Age Twelve and Older Can State a Preference for Custody and Visitation -  How to Set Up a Good Case

The summer is upon us and with this change of the seasons often comes an increase in child custody litigation.  One of the most prevalent cases that come up this time of year is the preference case.

If I had to narrow it down, summer is far and away the most prolific time for preference cases.  True, they can and do happen at any time, but summer is where I see the most action.  At the start of each summer I get calls that the kids don’t want to go visit their dad.  At the end of the summer I get calls that the kids don’t want to go home to mom.  What exacerbates this problem is that the age kids can state this preference is twelve!  

In Oklahoma, kids twelve and older may state a preference concerning custody and visitation.  The court is not bound by the preference, but it is one of many factors the court will consider in awarding custody and visitation.  My experience is that unless there is a really good reason not to follow the preference, most often the court will give the preference a significant amount of weight. Under the right circumstances, you can have a successful case based on the preference of a child. Under the wrong circumstances, you have a train wreck waiting to happen. 

Kids this age want to please their parents.  They want their parent’s approval.  They want their parents to be proud of them.  So, what happens?  When the kids are with mom they tell mom what she wants to hear.  When the kids are with dad, they tell dad what he wants to hear.

So, how am I supposed to know if I have a good case? Always ask yourself this: 

Does our child only say he/she wants to live with me when at my house?

or

Does our child tell not only you, but the other parent, their teachers, their friends, and basically everyone else that will listen that they want to live with you?

Typical bad example:

Jimmie wants to live with me but is afraid to tell his mom.  If the judge will just talk to little Jimmie I know he will say he wants to live with me. 

This is most likely a kid that does not want to be in the middle and is telling dad what he thinks dad wants to hear and at the same time is telling mom what he thinks mom wants to hear.  Is it the kid’s fault? No, they are just being a kid caught in the middle = train wreck.

Typical good example:

Jimmie told his mom, his best friend, his friend’s parents, his teachers, and is posting on social media that he wants to live with me.  

This is most likely a kid that probably has decided he wants a change and wants to live with you and will tell the court the same thing = generally good case.

With this said, there are still going to be those cases where a child will initially say they want a change but then at some point in the future decide they want to stay where they are.  When you can clearly see that this has happened, don’t force the child to speak to the judge and put them through that ordeal for no reason!  You might be angry that the child has changed his mind, but do not take this anger out on the child.  If the preference is simply no longer there, know when to tap out.

If I don’t ask how will I know they want to live with me?  They will approach you.  They will approach the other parent.  They will approach anyone that will listen. They will make it known. Don’t put your kids in the middle.  Don’t ask them where they want to live because they are probably going to tell you exactly what they think you want to hear.

If you have a good case, bring it!  If you don’t, leave it.  Moreover, know how to tell if you have a good case and when you don’t and let this be your guide.

For more information on father's rights visit my website Facebook. Email

Pete D. Louden

Attorney at Law