Tips
for Oklahoma Fathers:
Show
up on time. Allow plenty of extra
time. Plan to be at the courthouse 30 minutes early.
Dress
appropriately. No shorts, flip flops, tank tops,
etc. First impressions go a long way, especially with the
court. Dress as you would for a professional job interview. A
shirt and tie are good, throw on a jacket and it’s even better. Your appearance and the manner in which you
present yourself can have a big impact on how you are perceived by the judge.
No
cell phones in the courtroom. Want to find yourself under a rock
before you even see the judge, take a cell phone in the courtroom and let it
ring, vibrate, or let the judge see you texting, checking email, etc. NO CELL PHONES.
Anything
you say, type, text, etc., is probably being recorded. At
all times you should conduct yourself as if the Judge was there
watching.
Visit
the courthouse and sit in on a few hearings if you can. The best way to
get a feel for how your judge operates is to watch other hearings. This
will give you an idea of what you can expect while you are there, and you may
even be lucky enough to see what the judge likes and does not like.
Do
not interrupt the judge, opposing counsel, or opposing party. Don’t
roll your eyes, gasp, cuss under your breath, give a death stare to your ex,
etc. It can be extremely hard to remain cool when the other side is
making ridiculous allegations. The court is watching. Your
behavior will play a HUGE role in how the court perceives you. This is really
important and is 100% within your control.
Be smart.
In
court, do not talk directly to your opponent. All comments and argument should
be to the judge and not include any side conversations with your opposing
party. Again, the manner in which you present yourself can have a huge impact
on your case.
When
testifying, answer only the question asked. If you can answer with one word do
so. If not, answer with the fewest amount of words possible. If you
don’t know, don’t guess, say you don’t know. If you don’t understand
the question say so. If you are unsure about how to answer something that
you know the other side will bring up, ask your attorney and they will help you
to put together the most effective response. The less you say the
better. LESS IS MORE.
NEVER say “my” kids. ALWAYS “our” kids. ALWAYS. Don’t forget!
In
court, be 100% truthful 100% of the time.
Don’t try to outsmart or out think the system.
Follow
all court orders to the letter. This is
worth saying again. Follow all court orders
to the letter! Even if the other side is
doing everything but following the order, you need to follow the order. Sure way to damage your case is to ignore
court orders.
Bring
a notebook with you to court. You're going to want to take notes. Your
attorney can only listen to one person at a time. If someone else is
talking and you try to whisper in your lawyer’s ear they are not going to hear
either one of you.
Leave emotions outside the
courthouse. Family law courts are courts
of equity as opposed to criminal law courts which are courts of law. Family
court is designed to resolve disputes, period.
If you settle a case you have maintained complete control over the
outcome, you are the master of your own destiny. If you allow the court to decide your case,
the judge is the master of your destiny.
A judge does not have to live with the consequences of their decisions,
you do. Sometimes trial is the only option, but if it can be avoided it is
almost always better to choose your own terms.
Use logic not emotions.
For Divorce cases, there
is a required Children in the Middle class every parent must complete. For paternity cases, it can be a huge boost to your case if you
voluntarily complete a parenting class. http://www.ccfinorman.org/divorce-and-co-parenting-services/
She may accuse you of one
or more of the following: She will say
you use drugs, drink too much, or are violent. Best way to beat this right off
the bat: If you think she might make allegations of drug use, take a hair
follicle drug test and bring the results to your hearing. If you think that she will say there is
alcohol abuse, do an alcohol assessment and bring the results with you. If you
think she will say you are violent, do a domestic violence assessment and bring
with you to court. This may seem like
jumping through a lot of hoops but being prepared can make a big difference.
NEVER discuss court or your case with your kids. NEVER discuss court or your case anywhere
where there is even the most remote chance your kids could hear the
conversation. NEVER allow anyone else to discuss court anywhere where there is
even the most remote chance your kids could hear. Don’t do it!
